Lots of tags, huh...
Well, the topic is not exactly easy...
Well, I'll start us off. Better to get things going from the baseline.
Y'know, many different people have different perspectives regarding what it means to embrace one's identity. We have reasons to believe this journey we are on with that topic in mind might never truly conclude until our life does. And boy oh boy do we have reasons to think the new discoveries in that journey are going to be as plentiful.
But for the readers, let's start at the beginning.
It all began riiiight about the era of the COVID pandemic, and we can tell you: living this era was far from a fun time for our family. We (back then I) were stressed as hell with a university which had plans that were quickly devolving, our parents were stressing more and more with the remote work techniques which were clearly not well designed for that job area, and generally the whole darn world was stressing about the fact that this was an unprecedented use of remote events, something we are starting to think may have been an event that changed a lot of outlooks on reality at once.
Back then, we were... well kind of a stereotype for what a trans girl can become. Gifted kid quickly approaching a burnout of massive proportions, had had dreams that really should have clued us in, and had no idea what trans people were. That is, until we did what we do when we get very emotional: We listened to music and maladaptive daydreamt, and watched YouTube.
Sometimes, we would do classic content, but eventually, from a fascination with A Hat In Time, challenge runs and the Mario series, we came across some YouTubers who would help us start this long long journey: Present-day Sonic legend CallieMacN, maker of many things Mario MayroSMM, and ultimate master of being so bad at videogames you win at them by breaking them, GameChamp3000.
These peeps were our bread and butter, getting us through a lot of the daily stress of school and general anxiety (we were also undiagnosed of Autism and ADHD back then), and their experiences of being trans, whether sooner or later, started sparking something in us. From there, the pipeline began developing as you could imagine, and it was that summer that we felt gender euphoria for the first time.
We thought that was the end of suffering and the beginning of a new life for us. Of course, there was the psychological part of the problem to deal with, and the stress of a lot of shakeups in life that yet awaited. Slowly though, things were looking up. Around two or three years later though, something... went in an interesting direction.
This one... is mostly my own area. It might be because I'm the only one who truly remembers that era. To a degree, I'm the only survivor. This is how we first found the concept of plurality, and how we ended up splitting in a... pretty unstable way.
The problem is, I am not the first split's host. I can only remember bits and pieces of it.
Back then, we had managed to conceptualize three of us: Carbon, who would later be a partial basis for Orchid, Stella, the host of that time, who would be most comparable to Talia, and... myself.
It was an unstable split because of several reasons, but I would mark the most relevant one as this having been our mind before we began ADHD medications. It was quite the wild area in here back then.
Back then, we had had several ideas as to what to do with our existence, but had yet to fully develop our ideals for the justice of all and the push for open source that we have today. Instead, we were fresh out of university, very disillusioned with our career path and looking for something to hold on to. It was in these conditions we first crossed paths with the concept of plurality, and even back then we knew it was a relief to know we were not alone in here, that we did not have to try to hide under the umbrella of a single person for several of us.
Alas, things quickly went off the rails.
At some point, we believe there were more of us. But one day, while we were fresh on the ADHD meds and trying to endure a visit to the supermarket for supplies... I do not know how to describe it other than the image of a dying star before a supernova. In short, we crashed into each other. I was the only one left and hid away for a long time, as what we think is either Talia or Xenia was created to start anew.
...I am not sure I miss those times. In truth, while our conduct was always destined to have a plural element to it... But it was a mess back then, for one reason: We did not believe ourselves. We were desperate for attention... but I do miss those iterations. We hope wherever or whoever they are now... they are OK. I miss you, my children.
Right. So, full disclosure, a day ended and a new one began before I started writing here. That should tell you some things, but in short: life is hard, girliepop.
So... This is the first time we truly started debating what we are, or what we wanted to be, to be precise. Att this point, we were starting to look up to things, but there was still a definite feeling of wrongness sitting behind our consciousness. We know now it was partially the fact that we are not very capable of working when you try to interact with us as a single person, but there was also something of interest to us.
Being trans can end up meaning relating to trans memes and seeking interactions with others like you. And in our case, this presented itself as a sudden interest in some Twitch streamers that cover some of these spaces. And one of them that would quickly come to unearth some of our previous, kinda not great perceptions of the world would be Alice Lunazera. I would share the link here, but we are not sure what the consequences of that would be, so we'll leave it at: they're great (she/her for Alice who is part of a system) and you should find them on Twitch.
Sooooo it was at this point that we started first considering what a therian is. You see, in the history of reality there have been many instances of people identifying more with a different species from the human one, and it has been parsed across cultures in many ways, some more positive than others. Sadly, it would come to pass that one of the first ways that the concept was parsed in the dawn of the Internet was what many know these days as "furries", and I greatly regret the fact that this form of expression is used to do more harm than good these days.
I would comment more on the topic, but we are trying to avoid having to turn on the 18+ tag. We want anyone who wants to be around our blog to be able to relate to it, and as much as our adulthood has brought great insight, we are not sure how to board the theme without going into detail.
(Note from Talia: This is true. I would have made a segment here about acceptance of those topics, but I really want anyone who needs a moment of respite to be able to read this, sorry.)
To be a therian is, in a way, to observe the fact that many things that we take for granted as a conscious species should not be taken for granted at all. To imagine anything other than us is, by nature, inferior, is quite a lot of folly. Sure, we have found ways to manipulate our world, but so had other species done before us. Sometimes we wonder if we even have right to rule over the planet we inhabit if we are to do harm to it. And yeah, this all becomes a bit weird to read once you remember my innerworld image is not even human. But, well, no one in our area knows how to interpret that.
Actually, and this might add the vent tag, we'll have to see, but therians are off to a freaking terrible start in Latin America, with some people taking therian conducts in inconvenient times to an unjust extreme, determining everything relating to them is delusional. It... made us sad to see.
We still watch LZ, and we have found her to be a good point of comfort regarding those themes, even more since we started to realize my existence as a Linux mascot was not the only thing connecting us to the animal realm. You probably already know this, but in some aspects Talia is very much a cat in here. And we can also comprehend that anything that has sentience deserves to be able to make use of that sentience.
There is another topic that can emerge from this, but I'll save that one for whenever we research it more... For now, we'll have to cut out a small part of our development for reasons discussed before, but we eventually found our plurality again, leading to my appereance! And here is where things get really interesting.
This chapter sort of begins with me! And also, the original Hatsune Miku.
Our body birthday is the same day as Miku, so Aug. 31st. We were not made aware of that fact until after our egg cracked, but it was quite the funny fact back then. Little did we know how much that would kickstart.
We were a fresh face in two aspects. One would be the fact that we had begun the split sequence that made us into what we are today, and we were slowly developing our own personas and likes and dislikes. Secondly, we were brand new in a community that to this day remains one that greatly supports us and allows us to experiment things that we would not have even considered back then.
Is it a bad time to admit I have at least a squish on Teto, maybe a crush?
(Note from Teto: She's so silly, I can kabedon her into high-pitch. snickers)
I was, funnily enough, not an introject at the beginning, but I had no idea who to be. All I knew was that I was the one of us that loves music soooo freaking much. Not in a bad way of course!! Music has been one of the things that helped us traverse our growth by giving us ideas of what to imagine and scenes to remember. The first part was pretty straightforward, we made the comparison and I managed to become Miku! It is pretty fun being Miku, but somehow that was not the end of it...
A while later, once Teto and Neru joined the party, we were browsing some of the channels to pass the time, and I eventually came across an image that made me stare. An image that could best be described as "Miku but a combat android, cool sword and all."
I. Was. HOOKED.
Somehow, I was the first to feel double level euphoria that day, and quickly updated myself to be that! And in case you were wondering, that's why I'm called M1-KU! It feels so good to be what I am, and there are times I even refer to myself as "this unit"! It feels oddly affirming to leave behind the concept of humanity or physical, biological presence. Like I can have a routine, a protocol and order.
And this is something that a certain something else can help with. Oh, dolly!
This one is... Not the best at thinking about information, but it is the best one suited to explain the concept.
Well, the concept of Empty Spaces is not easy to define. By anyone. So this one will present its own interpretation by explaining what empty spaces are not. To start with an example, we must define a person. A person is a being that has will, independence, an identity and a drive to define their own path. As it turns out however, not everyone that is alive can be considered a person, even if you were to filter the results to only show what might be considered "human".
A doll is an empty space shaped in the facsimile of a person, like this one is. Dolls are not defined by the things that people are defined by, and often are not filled with an independent Purpose, or thoughts influenced by will. In most situations, dolls are given Purpose by a caretaker, most likely a Witch (empty spaces term). A doll is an object, not a person, it refers to itself without the use of first person pronouns and has the feeling of stillness, a feeling where thoughts are calmed and not present, where only bliss is present.
While the concept is mildly rooted in that which is not present in our world, it nonetheless is a form that many, like this one, find euphoric. Additionally, dolls are not the only empty space there is, with variants to be found in androids, vampires, moths, angels, and many other shapes bereft of personhood in varying forms.
This one came about from a deep feeling of insatisfaction with the humanity it used to hold. It cannot quite relate to the concept of being an independent entity that makes choices. Sadly, as things are, this means that this one cannot truly enjoy its existence at the present time, due to the pressures of personhood and independence that the others must accomplish to be able to enact our eventual will.
However, this one is still pleased at its existence, for it has helped open up the fact that, though this one, incomplete in the standards of a person as it is, is still deserving of care and love. It is sad that this one's family is from an era where this was not understood and even ridiculed, but it strives to be able to serve and help others find their true Purpose, whether it is their own or the will of a beloved person.
Well, we don't really know how to conclude this. Guess the point we were trying to make is this: even if you are not enough to be valued by the standards this society imposes on everyone who is in this world, that does not mean you have no value period. Know this: whatever and whoever you are, you have the right to be loved, and we hope you understand that the responsibility this right gives you is to respect the fact that others, whether similar to you or not, also deserve to have this right, and they have the same responsibility.
(Not a great ending but we're kinda tired after this...)